MLB Sexiest Fan Alive

I just read a mind-blowing article on People Magazine’s sexiest MLB fan alive.. Chris Piela, a fan of the Sox, was dubbed the sexiest fan alive this month. Which leaves me to ask this: how many decaf-drinking blind people voted in this competition? Piela is not a bad looking guy, he’s a great looking guy, but he is not the sexiest fan ALIVE. Case in point: Alysa Milano. Huge Dodgers fan. Is Piela sexier than her? I don’t think so buddy. What are you going to tell me next? That Jeter’s arm strech before every at bat is cooler than Papi’s spit and hand slap?

Granted, Milano is a celebrity.. She already has season tickets and gets to flirt with all her favorite players. She is the luckiest woman on earth. So, fans will say she doesn’t deserve the ‘Sexiest Fan’ title on top of her celebrity status. Touche, but she at least should have been in the running to make the competition seem legit. If anyone is going to take this contest serious again, next year’s winner better be a Victoria’s Secret model with her team’s logo tattooed all over her body.

I now think Milano is one of the coolest celebrities because of her passion for baseball. I never knew she was a life long baseball fan of the Dodgers and I think that’s so cool. It is SO hard to meet females around my age who love baseball. I meet plently of poser girl fans who mistake Manny for Pedro and Daisuke for Okijima. And Trying to meet a male fan is a joke.. Getting a guy to go to Fenway with me is like pulling teeth trying to make him understand ‘this is NOT A DATE.” It never works. They somehow get offended because I order a two bedroom hotel room for the night after the game. What do I look like? Do you see me wearing pinstripes?

Piela seems like a great guy, but Milano is on that level of hotness that you just have to tip your hat to in defeat.

Milano – in my book – you are the sexiest MLB fan alive.

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The Offseason SU@KS.

That needs to be MLB’s newest best seller T-Shirt. Instead of Boston’s infamous must-have ‘Yankees ****’ shirt.. every baseball fan now needs a t-shirt that reads:

The Off Season S#&%@

Players may not agree with me, but no matter what team you represent, I think we’re all in agreement that November – March, is a little BI#%&.

I was browsing through my movie store’s sports section the other day for a documentary on the Sox that I haven’t seen yet. I found two movies that I haven’t seen – and now refuse to ever watch. The first one had Boston fans on the cover. I thought it was a keeper.. that is until I read the year it covered.

2003.

As if that wasn’t bad enough – another title caught my eye:

Game 6.

Oh **** no. I thought it was for another team, because no human being would ever willingly produce a movie depicting one of the most horrific plays in Red Sox history. Right? Wrong. Robert Downy Jr. and the Buckner game? Am I in the horror section? Clearly, I was. Who in God’s name would want to watch movies covering the 2003 Sox season or the day of Game 6? Am I alone here? That’s like Disney movie producers expecting kids to want to watch movies where Cinderella dies of Chlamydia and Bambi gets shot and stuffed at the end. If anyone has an interest in a movie about the Red Sox, it’s Red Sox fans. So why pick Armageddon part 1?

The off season is like learning to walk again. It’s like we’re a bunch of teenagers on dope sitting around on the couch shrugging to each other, “what do we do now?” I still don’t know. It’s like life has been down graded. It’s under construction. Nightly hobbies like going to that bars with your buds just aren’t what they use to be. Monthly daunting tasks, like cleaning your room, are less tolerable without Rem Dawg and Orsillo’s voices cheering you on. Life is now a re-creation of Chemistry class and you’re trying not to fall asleep.

Our car’s set radio dial for 96.7 remains untouched. And the ever popular question from your Sox baseball illiterate friend “you listen to oldies music?” is more irritating than ever. Instead of replying with, “Sox games dude,” we can’t help but blurt out, “It’s for Sox games – you idiot!”

Every year while I wait for a new basebal season, I also wait for my birthday. My birthday is April 5 and I turn 22 in April ’08. Meaning, I’ve already turned the last cool age to turn. There are no more cool ages to look forward to after 21. It’s all downhill from here. So the average adult woman’s nightmare of each birthday.. remains a joke to me. With each age, I gain a new Red Sox season. It’s as simple as that.

It’s not just the incredibly beautiful players like Lowell, Tek, Youk, Beckett, Pap, etc. that I miss being able to eye vandalize.. It’s the lack of the most beautiful game in the history of sports in my life: baseball. And without it, I feel handicapped.


The off season S#&%@

Mike Lowell & The Man, The Myth, The Legend The Schill.

My 22 birthday came early…  The most important story of the ’07 off season: My man Lowell is back for three more gorgeous Puerto Rican years.. And The Man, The Myth, The Legend, will spend his last year in a bloody red sock. The least important story: A-rod and his pimp are where? Lowell’s return is one story Borass and Rod can’t upstage. All though we now know Rod is back in Steiny’s magical toy chest, I always wanted to remind him..

A-Rod, where ever you go, don’t forget your purse.

Anyone who knows me, knows I am Lowell’s number one fan. Aside from his family, I am his biggest fan. No fan can trump my love for him. Or Varitek. Or Youk. I stooped to the pathetic level recently when I made a fan page for him (Mike Lowell Fan Page)

I blame the off season.

As for Schilling, my birthday really did come early.. I couldn’t bare to see him spend his last year in another uniform. I’m so happy he’s back along with Lowell. Now I’m waiting on Timlin’s news.